The buzz in the industry over the past week or so has been the rumored demise of the Daytime Emmys. CBS has dropped out of the rotation, saying that they do not want to broadcast the low-rated awards ceremony. It seems odd since CBS has gotten the bulk of the Emmy nominations over the past two years and the telecast has pretty much turned into a CBS tailgate party. Since it wasn't ABC's year to broadcast the Emmys, the network made no plans to air the ceremony. NBC hasn't aired the Daytime Emmys since 2004 because their shows hadn't been getting nominations. SOAPnet apparently won't broadcast the Emmys either because it would interfere with their scheduled reruns of old made-for-television movies and realityesque specials featuring a certain occasionally handsome administrator of the Internet's most popular soap opera web site.

How hard can it be to put together a telecast that celebrates the best of daytime television? I have a few hours of nationally broadcast television under my belt, so I am pleased to announce that...

Live from my living room, it's the 36th Annual Daytime Emmy Awards!

Smooshed together on the couch are this year's nominees for Outstanding Lead Actress. The supporting actresses are on bar stools out on the island in the kitchen. If they want cushier seats, perhaps next year they'll think twice before putting their names into a non-lead category.

"I bet you thought the Daytime Emmys had died," cracks last year's winner, The Young and the Restless' Jeanne Cooper. "And I was worried about high-definition. Does this show have any definition... at all?"

"Are you feeling okay, Kim?" Emmy-winner Susan Lucci asks of Guiding Light star Kim Zimmer.

"I am shaking back and forth so that the audience thinks these awards look more realistic," Zimmer explains. "We've been doing it on my show now for almost a year."

Unfortunately, since there is a bottle or two of wine in the house, the Outstanding Younger Actor and Actress nominees have to sit out in the backyard. I simply don't have time to card people and serve as emcee for this shindig.

"Duck! They're shooting," General Hospital's Maurice Benard shouts, mistaking the microwave popcorn for some of his show's mob-inspired gun fighting.

For budget reasons, the pre-Emmy meal was trimmed back to the aforementioned popcorn, some Kool-Aid, and some of the candy I have left over from Halloween. No matter how hungry attendees are, there will be no roasting of the Snuffleupagus. Also, any nominees over 35 will have their on-screen time cut to 90 seconds. Those under 35 and above 25 can be on-screen as long as they'd like.

Oh boy. I think I may have slapped a stamp on the envelope naming this year's Outstanding Drama Series and dropped it in the mailbox. Maybe I can get one of this year's Supporting Actress nominees to flirt with the mailman and fish it out of the mailbox before it gets sent off to Guatemala or some other place where there are no Daytime Emmys.

So maybe it's not as easy as I think, but I'm willing to give it a shot. Not broadcasting the Daytime Emmys simply is not an option.

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